MOVING FORWARD WITH A SMILE

As you start school this year, think of what your parent who is not here would have wanted you to do. Probably, they would want you to start the first day smiling, happy, excited, and not bummed out about them not being there. They can be with you in your head and your heart. Put a photo of them in the small zipper part of your backpack, or a lucky keychain or something of theirs. It's a little security and a piece of them. Then move forward happily, like they would want you to do!

Support Group Online

There is a wonderful group of people who have put together an online bereavement support site for people to talk about various issues and support one another through the tougher times. If you are looking for someone to chat with about grief issues, check them out at www.mdjunction.com/bereavement

A Positive Experience

Funnel your sadness into making a difference in memory of the person who you lost in your life. It will give you energy that can be expressed in a positive way and will result in betterment to others. In this way, you are honoring the person and also helping society. And when you do that, you will feel better generally. Try it!

Quotes for Positive Thinking

Life is what 10% happens to you. The other 90% is what you do with what happens to you. So think positive, act positive, be positive. There are always good things.

INTRODUCTION

Hi! This website is an accompaniment to the book we have written, After You Lose Someone You Love. It was created so that people who are grieving can try to focus on the positives they still have and move on in life. Currently, we are working on expanding our site, but for now, there are posts regarding helpful articles below. To contact us, you can email teamstein@aol.com

How Children Grieve

This article is a great source for validating so many of the feelings that are going through us as we grieve. Written by adults, this article begins by talking about how different aged children perceive death and consequently how they grieve. The end of this article describes many, but not all, of the feelings that we feel as grieving children from the very beginning and as we continue to move on. Fear, guilt, anger, and sorrow are discussed. We really like that this site shows adults understanding that kids deal with grief differently and it also mentions and talks about some of the feelings that we all have. http://www.kidsaid.com/dougypage.html

The Stages of Grieving

This page of a website starts off with someone sharing her story (very briefly) about the loss of her parents. The helpful part of this page follows her introduction, and it is her description of the steps that a child goes through while he or she is grieving. This is particularly helpful as it is written from another kid and is easy to relate to. When we read the steps that she discusses, we were all amazed at how closely a lot of them mirrored our own. This excellent resource takes you from the initial “shock” all the way through to “hope”. http://www.geocities.com/losingaparent/losing.html

Understanding the Grief Process

This article helps us understand the process of grieving. The article is divided into many headings, which allows you to only read the parts that you want to. It begins by explaining what exactly grief is and how we are all affected differently by it. The article has a positive feeling, reminding us that time is neutral and will go on, yet urges us to work at moving forward with our lives. Our relationship with our lost one is not lost forever, just changed. Without any effort, however, our lives will always be overshadowed by our loss. http://www.atimetogrieve.net/dart_griefprocess.html

Understanding Grief

This article is very insightful into the steps that we take in grieving. It was written by an adult (a man whose wife died) who shares his personal perception of what he was going through as he coped and moved on. Although some adults don’t seem to understand what kids are going through, this article is easy to relate to as it describes six aspects of grief – including surprise. He mentions that grief is a new experience and we may be feeling something that we would not expect; this was very true for us and maybe you too. He also discusses suffering, support, struggle, survival, and surrender. http://www.atimetogrieve.net/dart_understand.html

When Support Isn't There

This article stresses the value of not grieving alone. Grieving makes us feel so many different emotions, and it is very important to share them with others, people you trust, so that they do not end up bottled inside of you. Once you communicate, it is easier to move on and feel supported. This article gives some great suggestions for what to do if you are having a hard time finding someone to communicate with, such as plant a tree in memory, cry and don’t deny what has happened, and most importantly use different venues to try to find someone to talk to (like the internet, grief groups, family, etc.).http://www.atimetogrieve.net/dart_support.html

A Guide To Children's Grief

This article discusses grief particularly in children, and definitively says that we grieve differently than adults. It begins by acknowledging that we certainly do experience serious losses, and then discusses how we understand death and how we grieve/cope. It also gives suggestions to our parent or caregiver or other relative on how to handle certain situations, such as the funeral, counseling groups, etc. http://www.pbs.org/wnet/onourownterms/articles/children.html

Helping Children Cope With The Death of a Loved One

This article is from a clinical journal and focuses on how different aged children grieve and why they do the way they do. It distinguishes young children from school age children in that the former has a harder time recognizing grief as final. This article can help us understand why we are feeling some of the emotions that we are, and if you have different age siblings it can help you relate to them and understand their grieving processes as well. http://www.petloss.ca/index.php?page=article§ion=childrensgrief&topic=copingchildren

Children's Grief

This article is actually written for parents and those dealing with kids who are grieving, but it is very helpful in validating our feelings. The article begins with a list of some of the feelings that we have, and then goes on to explain the importance of support, communication, and knowing that we are not alone. The end of the article gives advice on how to help children grieve – if you feel that any of these ideas would be helpful to show whoever you are now living with, it would be a great idea to show him or her. http://www.petloss.ca/index.php?page=article§ion=childrensgrief&topic=childgrieve

Helping Children Cope With Balloon Messages

This article shows the importance of communication in dealing with loss and moving forward. Even adults are shocked by loss and sometimes don’t know what to do, but we must always communicate and have support. A woman whose brother died shielded her two kids from some of the earlier decisions, but she later realized that the kids were as shocked as she about the death. This family began communication by sending balloons up to their uncle, which allowed them all to talk about their grief. http://funeralplan.com/griefsupport/balloons.html

How Children Cope With Grief

These articles explain some of our grief and feelings relative to our age. The first link is for ages 4-6, then 7-11, and the last one is for 12-17. They are helpful in describing why we might be feeling what we are and especially why this is different from what adults are feeling or how they are acting. These articles help us understand that our feelings are unique because of our age, and will help explain that our family members may all be grieving a little bit differently. Links: http://funeralplan.com/griefsupport/four.html http://funeralplan.com/griefsupport/seven.html http://funeralplan.com/griefsupport/adolescents.html

Memories-An Activity to Help Kids Cope With Grief

This web page describes the importance of remembering the parent that has passed away. It acknowledges that sometimes remembering is sad because we will never have another new memory again, but it tells how to make remembering a positive experience. You might want to try the “activity” that is described with a parent or siblings or other family members, or if you are part of a grief group you can suggest this as an activity for one of your sessions. http://funeralplan.com/griefsupport/memories.html

Helping Children Cope With Grief

This article talks about how kids grieve differently than adults and different support that we need through our varying stages of coping. For example, the article mentions that playing is important to kids, and sometimes activities such as finger painting can relieve some of the stress of grieving. It also discusses the sense of touch as an important part of grieving. http://funeralplan.com/griefsupport/children.html

Coping With Grief During the Holidays

This article talks about one particularly hard time in dealing with grief-holidays. It acknowledges that no matter how much time has passed the holidays are always a tough time, especially with the prevalence of cards, gifts, etc. that are in stores so far in advance. The article tells what to do, such as tell stories about your loved one and maybe change your traditions, and what not to do, such as isolate yourself or be afraid to cry. http://funeralplan.com/griefsupport/holidays.html

Am I Equipped For Happiness?

This article demonstrates that many of us have developed such powerful relationships to our pain that we are inclined to push happiness away should it become possible. It is essential that we complete our relationship to the pain caused by the deaths of loved ones, divorces and other major life changes so that we can allow ourselves to be happy. It is important to know how to do that that even when we feel as if we are drowning in the emotions caused by our losses. It’s also helpful to know that recovery from loss is possible and that there are actions you can take to prepare yourself for happiness. http://www.grief-recovery.com/Articles/Am_I_Equipped_for_Happiness.htm

If I Start Crying Will I be Able to Stop?

This article shows how many dangerous and incorrect ideas we’ve all learned about crying, like, “Laugh and the Whole World Laughs with You; Cry and You Cry Alone.” That comment alone explains why so many people “isolate” their sad feelings exactly at the point when they most need to communicate openly with others. It also explains why we sometimes “avoid” grieving people, falsely believing that they need to be alone in their sadness. Without the perception of sadness, there cannot be an awareness of joy. http://www.grief-recovery.com/Articles/If_I_Start_Crying.htm